There Is No Way I Can Be A Racist
Obviously, I cannot be a racist, my first best friend was black. Shoot, my dad fought antisemitism during WWII, and racism in the 1960s and 1970s, and ableism until his death. As a white person, I am too proud to see racism in myself, and that makes me feel superior. Characteristically, it allows me to hold onto my white privilege without feeling guilty.
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By ignoring the telltale signs of hubris, I can be anything I think I am. This is where white people are definitely superior than others. Not seeing what is on the tip of our noses provides the bliss we ignorantly crave. And if you have seen my nose, you would know how my difficulty stretches into a whole new realm. But please do not think this is just some drawn out Pinocchio caricature. Especially since I cannot draw to save my lily-white, wrinkled ass.
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White people in general cannot be racist, and not merely because we are handed a whitewashing brush on our first birthday. I really nose what I am talking about too. Our skills go beyond whiteout smearing and slathering over any racist actions and problems, present and past. We are also very talented and insidious in our deceptive ignorance.
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White privilege is not something we wanted to create, and since I make less than the average wage, I cannot have white privilege. Yet I am glad no black family has ever moved into our white neighborhood even though many blacks make a higher wage than I do.
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Such crazy coincidences occur a lot around here. We even had to move out of a nearby school because a black student has been valedictorian three years in a row. Now our kids are in a school with nearly all white students, where only white students become valedictorian. Clearly they teach their white students better. That type of scenario would only be white privilege segregation if somebody thought about the odds for more than a second.
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Many people call me anti-intellectual when I say I cannot be racist. Yet if you have seen all my MRIs, you could see my heart and bones are clearly free of it. The reason people tell these lies is to embarrass, blame, and harass me for things other white people did in the past. I am not responsible for what slave owners did. While I may not be taking responsibility for all my “supposed” implicit racial bias, it is because I cannot be condemned for the racist ideas slave owners instilled in white people like me. That would constitute double jeopardy, or at least double wheel of misfortune.
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I plead not guilty to implicit bias by reason of inanity, and swear to it on the grave of Sean Hannity. If a white person cannot slip out of racist accusations, what would be the value of being a white person? Some may say I just admitted to using my privilege, however it is impossible to use a privilege I cannot recognize until it serves me to do so. Trying to trap a white person into admitting they have a privilege is impossible because we have immunity to any logic that supports logic.
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What is the big problem with white privilege, I mean, does it hurt, let alone kill people? No. Well, yes. But COVID-19 killing more people of color is only one example you can throw in my white face… Okay, the police do shoot dead more black men than white. But police arrest, and incarcerate more black people, and all druggies, and such are black. While we execute more blacks and wrongfully convict blacks more often, I bet whites barely ever break the law… Yep. Sure. Maybe we lynched thousands of black people for very impartial same-three-letters reasons, but lynching was not even a federal crime until 2020!
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How can I be blamed for the lynching problem, when the legislation was first proposed 120 years ago?! I am not responsible for not being woke to anything ancient like that, please! Plus for the last fifty years I have been tied up with things that are more important to whites. So, is there anything else you can push in my face? I knew it!… Stop! I am done listening…
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Okay. Okay! Maybe blacks are pushed into living in worse environmental conditions than whites. Of course, the only reason you try to blame that on whites is because whites made the decisions to cordon off blacks with highway construction, and redlining.
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Making me responsible for what my parents did is like me asking blacks to pretend nothing that is happening to them now has anything to do with those past racist actions. Therefore, let us all agree that whites have not caused, and are not causing any of the problems blacks have now, and that whites would be better off if all blacks believed our whitewashing of the past.
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Now that I have made clear there is almost nothing to the charges of white privilege, I would like to fully disprove white supremacy as a continued threat to American democracy. How many white supremacists would like me to continue with full throated and goaded defense of their scatology? Well. I understand. Even though I do not see any white hands up, and many caucasian fingers flipped my way, I must show my support for my white Pence dense, and Donald dullard brothers.
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White supremacy holds an important place in the dumpster fire of a country they are creating. Their attack on our Capitol showed what a steaming hot pile of manure spreading minute-madmen can do to our Constitution. There is obviously nothing white supremacy cannot do, and doo-doo on. If they ever take back this country, I guarantee that each white supremacist will be clutching his or her flintlocks, flasks, and tread-on-America flags. Additionally, each incel white dude will be publishing live every illegal action he undertakes with mom doing a cameo appearance.
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By Richard The Chwalek.
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Another satire by RTC. Here is where I got the idea.
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The inanity continues below…
When I was GOP white boy woke, I almost noticed something missing from before. I was seeing our color-blind caste…richard-the-chwalek.medium.com
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